I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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