Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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