I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
