dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
