pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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