Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
