There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I should be sponsored by Trojan
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
