He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
