Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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