If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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