So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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