I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
