listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
