Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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