Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
