So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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