he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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