we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have tasted many bathrooms
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
