Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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