I just gift wrapped bread.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
