oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
