Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
