he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
