Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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