What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
