For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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