dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
