I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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