vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
