so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
