he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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