Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
