No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
