if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
