we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
