Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
