I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
