I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
pop tarts are not kleenex
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
