using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
