plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
