Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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