wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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