I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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