Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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