Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
