the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
