Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
