i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
