made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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