ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
