you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
