I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
